melancholy

I feel more and more useless everyday. I don't know why, but I feel lonely inhabiting in a population over 17 million. Everyone I usually spend time with all have things to do, all have started their lives. I have yet to do that. Where they are beginning their lives, there I am resting at an impasse. Everyone is moving around me, and I am standing still. I observe those who connect and live around me, and I am envious. I visited Pudong again today, and I was the only person who was trekking around alone. Everyone else either had fellow workers (同士), fellow students (同学), or significant others to be with them and enjoying the scenery. I immediately regretted leaving the home. All I could do was watch them develop deep feelings for those they care for, and I am here, without even direction to go to find my own.

Hopefully I'll be starting work soon, and that can take my mind off things.

Since it's the new month, I can make another flickr slideshow. Be on the lookout for that in a coupla days.

design in shanghai

I get very mixed views on the stake design has here in China. Some say that it's something not yet spread, and some say it's not something that will. I guess it's all based on their lack of knowledge on this subject, and they're simply stating how they feel about the subject. Nevertheless, whenever people ask me my major (专业), they restate it with confusion. "Industrial Design? What's that?" (工业设计？是什么？) And I painstakingly attempt to describe what design is about in my words. It's pretty damn hard, especially since I have to explain in Chinese. And even after I explain, they still really don't know what it is.

However, through my observations of everyday life here, I find that Shanghai has yet to be assimilated into a lifestyle where design makes life beautiful. I mean design holistically. Of course everything here still has an aspect of design, but the old is still the new, which makes things look the same here as it was 10 years ago. I'm not saying that Shanghai looks the same as 10 years before (far from it), but it feels the same. Way of life, things like that, it's still pretty static. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I'm just saying that it could be way better. I have hope that I may have a future in design in China, and that I can make a difference. But that's just fantasy talking.

looks like i'll be seeing you sooner

just got an email this morning. HKPU has expressed that they cannot accommodate us for the fall semester. Which means that after my stint in Shanghai, I will have to return to tech for one semester. I don't think simply noting down my frustration will be enough to exemplify it, so I will simply say nothing at all.

sometimes, i should feel lucky

Being here in Shanghai has made me realize a lot about life, in general. Like I said before, I have seen people of all classes cross paths here. The low, the high, and everything in between. I see the people who share the pavement I walk, and I imagine all the paths they follow and create for themselves. They each have problems, aspirations, lifestyles equal to the weight of mine. It's staggering to consider the depth of such a thought. Picture your life that you've lived up to this far, times 18 million. That's how big I see life here. Shanghai is full of life. Happy lives, full lives, sad lives, all co-exist. No one really stops to think about it here either. They see it as a reality. No pity for the weak, and no shame to ogle at the extraordinary. People live realistic lives here. I am beginning to see these clear differences between people who live here and those who live in the US. I am beginning to see that a lot of my friends in the States have their heads way up in the clouds, and can't see the practical side of life. Here, it's completely different. Let me utilize females around my age for an example. I believe that girls here look for qualities in a man that would create a suitable relationship. They are willing to accept the practical traits of a man as the most important. And American girls, through what I have seen, are generally looking for something that is more abstract, more of a feeling-based attraction process. This is the difference between practicality and fantasy. The important values within a typical Shanghai dweller is:

as a child:

-get good grades

as a teen:

-get in a good college through entrance exams

as a young adult:

-find a good job after graduation

as an adult:

-find a suitable spouse

-maintain a normal life

-raise a kid

as a senior:

-hope the kid you raised can take care of you after you have lost the ability to take care of yourself

-see your grandchildren grow up

-die a fulfilled death

....

Perhaps that was too comprehensive of a chart, but my point is that people want to live lives that fulfill a lifestyle that emphasizes stability, not some sort of fairytale, picture-perfect in one's own selfish minds.

So yesterday some friends and I went to a karaoke bar. This is the second time I went KTV-ing. We went at around 11:30 PM, and finished around 5:00 AM. We had a full bottle of whiskey, and it was finished around halfway. Yeah, I'd say it was a pretty crazy night, but it was really fun. The first time I had fun while drinking. I guess around suitable people, anything can be fun.

expo! expo!

So yesterday I was invited by a friend to attend the world expo with some people. There were 4 of us in total, which was a good number to keep movement as one unit without the constant worry of shepherding people and such. It was a rather sudden development, as he called me at 10 PM the night before to confirm. Thankfully I don't really have plans, so naturally I was excited to go.

The world expo is a crowded place. Having it held in Shanghai makes that a very glaring problem. Anywhere worth going there is a waiting line of at least 1-2 hours. So inconvenient. It makes everything else a problem. It's extremely hard to find the medium of minimum waiting time + interesting content, as usually the only ones without much waiting time are pretty boring. Let's see if I remember all of the pavilions I visited (I assure you, this won't be the last time I'll be going): first was the Chinese Oil Pavilion and Japanese Corporations in the morning, Netherlands, Greece, Estonia, Finland, Luxembourg, Italy, before dinner, Turkey, Denmark, Belarus, Czech Republic, Slovakia, Australia, Singapore, Malaysia, and New Zealand before we had had enough of sweating and walking for 13 hours. In total we hit 17 pavilions. I think that's pretty impressive, considering the sheer number of people and the size of the world expo. The total physical size of the expo takes about 3 metro stations to cover. That's pretty damn big, if you ask me. I took over 500 photos in the span of the 13 hours, and I got lazy too. You know, I'm pretty damn proud to see my home town so successfully pulling off this gargantuan feat, hosting a world expo. All eyes are on us at the moment, and China has risen to the occasion again.

On another note, China, the more I observe, the more I see its socialist side. The first pavilion I entered, the Oil Pavilion, had a 4-D movie. It promoted industry and the progress of mankind, and made the subject of industrialization something nationalistic and positive. It echoed those high school history classes which taught of Lenin's and Mao's many acts of industrialization, and how similar in idea it is. As well, one of my friends who went on the trip mentioned that everyone must take classes which taught Marxist and Mao idealism. I guess when you look closely, China really is still very Communist. Thankfully I have seen things from another spectrum, which makes me wary of the large gap of societal thinking which makes eastern and western culture so different still.

Well, I hope I can update you guys on the expo again. I really can't describe the expo other than using photos, and I can only upload so much here. Enjoy for now :)

from here, we can only look up

aI have been pretty busy as of late, that's why I haven't posted in a while, even though I promised that I would post often. I apologize for that. Let me describe Shanghai a bit for you. I have experienced a little of what the city is like, and I can tell you it's a very crowded place. Everywhere I go people are there. There isn't a time when the metro is empty; it's always transporting citizens of all sizes to places they need to be. I saw a 9 year old girl get on the metro by herself. I wonder how she can possibly be comfortable being out in the world by herself, and how her parents even let her do that. 真不可思议 (inconceivable). Despite the fact that Shanghai holds many surprises with who rides the metro, it's also a city with lots of character. No doubt it's a dirty city, but with a population exceeding 18 million it's hard to keep it perfectly sanitary. Let me tell you this: being in Atlanta ain't got nothing on being here. Atlanta has what, little five points? Shanghai probably has 100 times that excitement. It's a city brimmed with shops, restaurants, bus stops, high-rise apartments, low-rise apartments, department stores, and most notable of all, skyscrapers. Since Shanghai is the urban center of China, everyone flocks to it, hoping to make it big. With that many people, and not enough space, the only solution is to build UP. Exactly the opposite of the US. What the Americans do is build horizontally. You have money? You get MORE space. More acres. More land. That's the luxury of Americans, and perhaps a critical difference of what makes people in China Chinese and people in US American. I believe that this difference plays largely in how modern culture and society is formed. You know I can probably write an MLA style essay with this as my thesis. "Modern living: living space and culture: China and USA."

Currently I am watching a taped broadcast of Champions League final match: Inter vs. Bayern Munich. Yes, China also has tivo. Just not the exact brand. It's pretty much Inter's win, I'm afraid.

I've realized that living here for me is not easy. I'm trying to fit in as a local, but at the same time I'm trying to learn the ropes to become a local. I've been exclusively using public transportation to get to places. Both times I've gone to the Bund, I've used the metro. I've realized how important and convenien transportation truly is. Not having a car has its downsides, however being here, without a car, I (a) don't have to worry about parking (and worrying about parking is a bitch), and (b) don't have to worry about driving in China in general. This should be obvious, but if you don't know already, driving in China, ESPECIALLY Shanghai, is a living nightmare. If you think you had a bad day sitting traffic today, consider yourself lucky that you didn't have to fend off other drivers cutting in, unruly pedestrians, and the countless bikers and moped-ers who constantly cross your path. It's everyday life in Shanghai, and drivers here have accepted that, however it would be truly a mistake if drivers out west would think they can survive here.

Being here in Shanghai, one can truly grasp the scale of human advancement. How far and how large civilizations get, one can see it in its true form here. Buildings as far as the eye can see, roads and highways lead to anywhere and everywhere. A well, people of all classes appear here. High, middle, low, and even lower. One look you'll see a high-roller driving a foreign import, and another look you'll see an elderly man reaching into trash cans and looking for anything remotely salvageable. It's everyday here also, see, because of the number of people who live here, you'll be able to see just about anything.

I'd like to end on a list.

-badminton is still a popular sport among all ages

-world expo propaganda is eminent in all types of media (television, posters, radio, billboards)

-an average meal is approximately 10-20 RMB (~1.5-3 USD [unless you count fast food like KFC--which equates to about the same price])

-so far, I've seen about 20 minutes of blue sky here TOTAL

-card games is a popular pastime here among young adults my age

-everybody worships Yao Ming (basketball star), Lin Dan (badminton star), Liu Xiang (broke hurdles world record in 2008), and Bruce Lee (no explanation needed here)

-Jay Chou is pretty popular here too

-no matter what you do or where you go, at the end of the day, you'll need a shower

-it would seem that every time I return to China, something big is going on (2008 olympics, 2010 world expo)

Photo set 1

http://www.flickr.com/photos/31432666@N03/sets/72157623959969621/show/with/4617735558/

enjoy!

setting in (pt. 2)

It seems that whenever I'm really tired is when I post. Ok, so directly continued from last post, Saturday night we went to a restaurant and met up with my extended family, aka my uncles and aunts and respective cousins. It was a rather good time. We had a guest, who was apparently a family friend. This guy teaches a Computer Science course at Michigan, so he's pretty legit. What's funny is that he really can't understand Chinese at all, and speaks mostly English, despite being Chinese himself. I guess compared to him I consider myself lucky, because I am more fluent in Chinese than him. That was saturday.

Here's some photos that I have promised. It's not a lot but It'll do for now. I'm sorry for the briefness of these posts, but I really haven't the heart to sit down and write down a whole-hearted post. I guess the photos will suffice for now.

settling in (pt. 1)

So much to write about, and I haven't even been here for 4 days. Where to start....

In an attempt to rid of my boredom and keeping my jet lag back, yesterday I impulsed on a journey to the heart of Shanghai, the People's Square. This area is a central shopping district as well as a prime tourist location. It includes landmarks such as the Shanghai Museum, and major shopping districts. In short, it's shopaholic heaven. Anything you would ever want to buy, it's in this area. And if you get tired from all that browsing and shopping, you can then decide to relax in the millions of coffee places, cafes, restaurants and fill your hunger/caffeine fix/alcoholism. Anyway, so I took the metro there (it was about 7 stops), and right as I got out, it starts to rain. DAMMIT. Thankfully the weather isn't cold, and I'm thick-skinned enough to endure the inclement weather. Well, the upside is that I got some photos out of this (not as many as I'd liked, didn't want to ruin the camera see), but overall it wasn't that bad of an experience. I saw LOTS of foreign tourists, who were also brave enough to tough out the rain. Either that or they just got rained on like me haha. I have some photos uploaded, but I think in the future I'll still post some with these posts (to make it pretty here :D), but I'd rather upload them onto flickr so I can make some photostreams or something.

I apologize now for the lengthy post: there is just so much to cover.

So, yes, jet lag is still forcing me to have 12 hours of sleep a night (I'm not complaining), and waking up in the wee hours of morning. I have never realized that a day was so long, given the life of a Tech student (you know how it goes). There are so many opportunities to do things, to explore, to reflect. I know right now that I'm going to make the most of my time, no longer loitering around in the home anymore like I used to.

So come Saturday, I wake up around 7:30 AM ish, on weekend mornings is usually when my dad goes and plays some badminton at the local school gym (there is a badminton club there). So naturally, I tag along. I discovered that I really want to improve my game, because then there would be something else to brag about haha. Saturday was also the day that I had a really really delicious Chinese morning meal. I had real beef ramen soup (mmmmm) and a green onion and egg-fried pancake (mmmmmmmm). So good. I could eat this stuff for the rest of my life. Sorry I don't have photos of this delicious cuisine, but there will be, soon to come.

ok ok, well, I'm getting pretty tired, so I'll cut this short. I'll sort out the photos tomorrow in the morning. Good night guys (well its probably noon time for you guys when I post this)

Arrival

So, I landed yesterday about 5 PM local time, 5 AM Eastern time. The plane ride, shortly put, was grueling. But now it's over. My plane ride consisted mostly of me attempting to sleep and failing every single time, listening to music, and writing my thoughts down. Here's something I typed down on the way from San Francisco to Shanghai. Admittedly, I was a little cranky, having had no sleep and virtually no escape from noticing every little annoying thing that got on my nerves. Here goes:

~9PM Pacific Time

I can see that this ‘adventure’ is nothing I have come to expect. Like I’ve stated earlier, this part of my life was not planned, and was not predicted. Who knew that something like this is actually happening? I keep on thinking that this isn’t supposed to happen, and that I would drop out of existence at any minute. I have never felt like this before in my entire life. I don’t know, I just see this ‘chapter’ in my life to be too surreal, and not feasible. Maybe my foresight is just that limited. It’s really bothering me. I don’t have any ‘big’ thing to happen in my life. I guess it’s a by-product of me giving up on pretty much everything that I think life should be living for. I have bleak hopes about finding ‘love’. I don’t even know how to imagine what that would be like, because I am so foreign to it. There is this guy who keeps on opening the damn window, trying to look outside. I find that to be very very annoying. First of all, people are trying to sleep. Second of all, THERE IS NOTHING TO SEE. Third of all, he does it like every 5 minutes, and its super super annoying. I guess he’s really bored. I still get to piss on him though because what he’s doing is very annoying. Well, I am 6 hours into this flight, and we're JUST past one-third of the way there. This is indeed going to be a long ride. GAAAH I can’t stand being in one spot for this long. I can’t even ‘wander about’ because so many damn people are standing around playing with their dicks or waiting for the bathroom. NO WALKING AISLES. DAMMIT I am losing my nerve. Must keep self control. I’m almost there. Hopefully I can eat a decent traditional Chinese fast food meal when I get there. SPEAKING of meals. It seems that the food they server on airplanes just get worse and worse. They served us meat loaf, and it was the most un-tasting-like meatloaf meatloaf I have ever had. It kinda tasted like a cross between overcooked hamburger and saltiness. The mashed potatoes had corn in it, and it tasted more like a bland mixture of over-watered grits than potatoes. The only decent thing about the meal was the salad, and when I say salad I mean it comprised of only lettuce, which means the only decent thing about the salad was the ranch dressing. You really can’t get a pre-packaged dressing wrong. At least I hope not. So this is me in the middle of the flight. I’ll update a little later. Gotta save some battery because I gotta recharge my Zune too lol

Yeah so now its about 9 AM here, and I'm starting to get a little tired again. I woke up around 5:30 AM this morning, and I know that this jet lag thing is going to kick me in the ass.

anticipation

So, while we're waiting, why don't I update you guys on the flight information on wednesday. I fly out at 6:50 AM. This means that I have to wake up at around 3 AM because my parents insist on being at the airport at least 2 and a half hours before departure. I guess it's good because then I have ample time to do all of that airport bullcrap and KNOW that I won't miss my flight. Then I fly to O'Hare in Chicago, where I connect AGAIN to San Francisco, where I finally depart to Shanghai.

I am currently sampling new music to make this airport-hopping less than mundane. Animal Collective, Fleet Foxes, Passion Pit, Elliot Smith, just to name a few, will all be in my airport playlist. So yeah, this isn't the first time I ride back to China by myself. I'm used to it. I've already been to O'Hare and San Fran, no biggie lol.

Since I have possession of some certain Artemis Fowl books, I will also be taking them along, hoping it would keep me occupied for a long time. It's been ages since I last read Artemis Fowl, so I think it will be a fresh adventure once again.

Gah, it seems like these are the longest days of this year for me. Since Friday, I've been home, and it seems that the days have been getting longer and longer. But I guess I don't really mind, either, since I don't spend time with my mom or my sister at all. It's always good spend time with family every once in a while.

aspirations

I am a person who never was the best at anything, but is good at many many things. I think it's a curse and a blessing. I honestly wish that I could find that one thing that I'm really really good at. I don't have one. I guess the term for people like me is "jack of all trades, but a master of none". I'm above average at school but I struggle enough to keep me under, I'm pretty good at video games but can't confidently do amazing at any of them (halo mw2 dota smash etc), I'm ok at piano but no prodigy, I like to write but never anything that amazes, so on and so on. It's sad really, to have a knack for a lot of things but can never find a firm grasp on any of them. I find good friends, but none that really stick that close. I guess it's what fate has brought me. Other people will strive and march far into their focuses, whereas I will only linger by the gates. It's like what my high school literature teacher said, "you can go a mile wide and only an inch deep, or you can go an inch wide but a mile deep". People who are successful in this society usually are the ones who go an inch wide and a mile deep; I am the former, having a hand in many things, but never too skilled in becoming a master of anything.

Yes yes I know this type of stuff doesn't fit the theme of this blog, but really, sometimes I just want to put my thoughts to paper (digital paper, for you politically correct people)

MOVIE EDITION #1

So, I've been wanting a form of recording my thoughts on films I watch. Mostly the good ones, anyway, because after a movie I thoroughly enjoyed I always want to find someone and discuss. Too bad I don't have enough friends to do that with. HA. Anyway, this post is officially my first movie discussion/analysis/review with you, the reader. Today's film session will be centered around the Hayao Miyazaki masterpiece, Princess Mononoke.

First off I just want to say that this film is fantastic. My first impressions were actually of surprise, because I just came off the Ponyo buzz-wagon and did not expect so much gore and blood coming from a filmmaker who often caters his movies towards younger audiences. Ponyo was a serene boat ride with your newborn child, and Mononoke was a desperate chase while mounted on a wolf while covered in blood and fighting for your life, when you compare the two movies in terms of intensity. However, despite the fact that my impressions of Miyazaki's style changed dramatically, I still enjoyed it. It felt more real than his other fantasy tales, perhaps because of the constant theme of death looming over the audience. I think this was Miyazaki showing a bit of his passionate, afflicted side, because he invested so much time and detail in depicting the ravages of conflict. This movie was also a microcosm of the existence of man, from coexisting with nature to dominating it. This theme actually is quite apparent in popular culture. It goes along the view that humans are the ones who must be purged, because they have brought so much suffering to their surroundings. The Matrix brings it up, with Agent Smith comparing humans to viruses; as well as The Day the Earth Stood Still, where higher beings are sent to earth to decimate the human population to save earth. Just a few examples. This plot point is more obvious to spot than some of Miyazaki's other work, but still well executed. He veils the typical roles characters should play in this type of story with subtle injections of his unique style. Miyazaki loves creating a wide variety of characters, with no clear lines drawn between 'good' characters and 'evil' characters. He does this in many of his films, and it's a style that takes getting used to. I would watch the plot unfold, and find myself puzzled over whether I should feel sympathetic or hate towards certain characters. I think he finds a nice medium of good and evil behavior within all major characters. Nevertheless, he has clearly defined his style of animation and storytelling, and he executes with mastery. I think it's safe to state that Miyazaki aims to entrust the viewer to always keep an open mind about first impressions of characters he introduces, as in the end, it's never what you expect.

Like any typical Miyazaki film, it has a happy ending. And I think there are always some themes constant in all of his majestic tales: the power of love, the persistence of nature, and the acceptance of the fanstastic as real.

I would strongly encourage you to watch this film. It was made in the late 80's, but there's nothing unappealing to any moviegoer. Great plot, detailed characterization, visually appealing animation, it's the full package. MUST SEE.

Tired of the Boring

So, I basically got too impatient with waiting for May 12 to come for me to 'officially' start this blog. So I'll start now. I am beginning my process of moving out from campus. Quite hectic, as I usually have a huge mess to tidy up and organize (sort of) before I stuff it into boxes. I hate moving days.

Studio is about to be finished for the year, right after the 2 day review session during finals week. However, I am not fazed at all about this, as the majority of the stuff we had to turn in was due today. In other words the lion's share of work has been done, and I just have to finish off the year in style with some sweet talk (aka bullshit). Enough about academics, I don't really want to think about it anymore. To be honest, this post is about nothing at all. I can't even really string together any intelligent insight, just sputtering facts and thoughts outright.

I guess I still have not grasped the fact that I'm going to be in China in less than 2 weeks. I feel like I should be more excited that what I am currently feeling, but I don't. I guess it's the other parts of my life that is dragging my mood down. I don't know how to really begin to describe this, but for the past chunk of my life (mostly college) I have been pretty depressed. Nothing really gives me happiness. I do drugs occasionally to escape from the reality that is my life, but really, I don't know how to feel happy anymore. I don't think I can remember being happy in the lasts two years. I only remember many many all-nighters, feelings of abandonment, frustration, and mostly depression. They say that college is supposed to be the time of our lives, but I am still failing to see that. I don't have fun. Not here. Not in my current state.

Well, theres gotta be a first post posted SOMETIME

so, this is what I'm planning to do with this blog. I will be away for a pretty long time, and I'll probably be out of touch with most of you, my friends. Therefore, this blog shall be dedicated to you guys finding out what I am doing half a globe away. That way if I'm out of touch with you, those interested can still follow what I'll be doing overseas. I want to share my experiences with you, post photos, post journals, post memories for all of you to feast on. Well, in case you aren't clear as to where/what I'll be going/doing, I am going to be in China for the next full year. a full 12-13 months of being abroad. First I will be in mainland China, most likely working for some company, earning valuable experience. This will happen until the semester starts in early september, in Hong Kong Polytechic University, where I will be an exchange student for an ENTIRE year. I will (hopefully) be posting often on this, and (hopefully) you guys will avidly follow my every word :D. So, just setting this thing up so I won't forget. Plus I'm taking a break from memorizing modern design things. Well, it's still about T-minus 30 days until I depart, but I guess until then I won't be posting much. That's it for now.